Fathers Of The Past…Lessons For The Present

“It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.”

–  Pope John Paul XXIII

As Father’s Day approaches, we remember our own fathers, father figures or maybe there was no father in your life.  Every man seeks to be a “hero” to somebody.  We yearn for someone to look up to us.  No matter what position a man holds, leader, pastor, blue-collar worker or step-father, they also seek to be affirmed in their place as a father.

A man comes in from mowing the lawn.  He’s dirty.  He’s smelly.  But he provides and he just did something he probably didn’t want to do.  The best thing his wife could say to him is, “Honey?  You mow the lawn like a stud!  There is no man on earth I know who can mow the lawn like you do!” That is what he needs to continuing his quest for “hero-ship”.

The easiest way to deflate a man’s “ego” of being a hero is to be his worst critic, which makes him feel unappreciated.  No matter if he’s a high ranking general or the CEO of a successful business.  He will feel like his “hero” status just took a nosedive.  He will close up.  He will internalize everything.  He might blame himself.  And in extreme cases, he will run away from it.

The bible is filled with many fathers and father figures.  Not one of them were perfect because they were all human.  The following are three biblical fathers who were by no means perfect but most men and fathers can relate to them today:

The Prodigal son’s father

Prodigal, a noun, means a person who spends money in a carelessly excessive way, leaves home and behaves foolishly but later makes a repentant return.  Although the typical name for this parable is “The Prodigal Son”, there are three characters in the story: the prodigal son, his older brother and the father.

This story is found in Luke 15:11-32 just after Jesus had healed a man of dropsy during the Sabbath.  Many people, including sinners and tax collectors, had gathered around him and He told a series of parables including this one.  Most everyone knows this story, so I will focus on one point that is overlooked many times: the father running to meet his son.  Many people can recognize what the prodigal son went through but only fathers can empathize with the prodigal’s father.

After the son had spent all his inheritance, he was on the road home, not knowing if the father would even take him in.  Verse 20 says:

“But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him,” NKJV

Here, we realize that the father hadn’t forgotten his son.  He had probably been up in the watchtower of the city every day looking for his son’s return, although he didn’t know when or if he was ever going to return.  He had eyes of mercy and those eyes were quick-sighted.  When his son was still a great distance away, his father saw him, before any other of the family was aware of him, as if from atop a high tower he had been looking in the direction his son had gone, probably thinking, “Maybe today, I’ll see my son return home!” ₁

Here the father was, operating in the very heart of mercy; yearning to catch a glimpse of his son coming from a great distance.  The father had compassion for his son.  His soul lamented for the misery of his son ₁.

And on the quick-paced feet of mercy, he ran to meet his son.  The prodigal son trudged slowly, under the heavy weight of his disgrace and apprehension of the unknown.  But the father ran to meet him! ₁

In first century Israel, however, a Middle Eastern man never ever ran.  Only in dire emergencies if he had to run, he would have to pull up his tunic so he would not trip.  If he did this, it would uncover his legs.  In that culture, it was demeaning and immodest for a man to expose his bare legs.  So, the question is: If it was disgraceful for a man to run in that culture, why did the father run when he saw his son?  What prompted him to embarrass himself?  First let me explain more of the Jewish custom of this time period ₂.

In first century Israel, if a Hebrew son squandered his inheritance, lived among Gentiles then returned home, his home town would perform a ceremony, called the kezazah which means “the cutting off”.  In kezazah, they would shatter a large clay container in front of the accused man and yell, “You are now cut off from your people!” The society would totally renounce him, leaving him to live apart from them and his family forever ₂.

Now back to the first question: why did the father run?  Probably to reach his son before he entered the village.  The father ran and disgraced himself so he could reach his son before the town saw him.  He experienced temporary shame so his son did not have to go through permanent shame and excommunication.  Imagine the sight of the running father, hurrying to the outskirts of the village, embracing his son.  After this emotional exchange of reconciliation between father and son, it would be evident that there would be no kezazah and the son would be welcomed back by all despite what he had done ₂.

The parallel of this story is very clear.  Although it is a fictional parable, Jesus spoke it to people who understood its meaning very well.  As fathers, we can relate to the prodigal’s father just as we can relate to our Father God.  Through His son, Jesus Christ, God the Father took on our shame and remorse when Jesus was crucified.  He was humiliated, He was disgraced and dishonored.  He ran out to meet us and welcomed us back into His graceful arms and He does it again and again every day if we’re willing to come back to Him as the prodigal son did ₂.

Joseph – Jesus’ stepfather

Joseph appears in the gospels of Matthew and Luke as the husband of Mary, Jesus’ mother.  He was not the biological father of Jesus, which would make him Jesus’ step-father.  This title is very common today as 40% of married couples with children in the US are step-parents, many of those being step-fathers ₃.  By trade, Joseph was a “tekton”(τέκτων) or a carpenter.  In those times, tektons were craftsmen of wood, iron or stone.  Joseph was from the tribe of Judah and a Nazarene from a region in northern Israel.

At the time when Mary was pregnant with Jesus, she and Joseph were still engaged.  In first century Israel, Jewish marriage traditions concerning an engagement between a man and a woman contrasted greatly and were much more rigid than modern marriages, especially in the West.  Arranged marriages by the parents existed during these times; usually without discussing things with the couple.  At first, a binding contract was drawn up between the parents.  The unwed couple was even regarded as “married” even though the wedding and consummation of the marriage had not happened for as long as a year later.  This preliminary time in-between was a tentative period of tested loyalty where the couple would have little, if any, contact with each other ₄.

It was during this “engagement” time that the angel Gabriel visited Joseph’s fiancée Mary and told her of her upcoming pregnancy.  In Luke 1:34, when Mary told the angel, “How can this be since I know no man?” it’s very understandable why Mary was so forward with the angel; she was still a virgin and would “know no man” sexually for several more months, maybe as long as a year or more ₄.

Joseph soon became aware of Mary’s pregnancy and was no doubt concerned.  As stated before, Jewish law stated that Joseph and Mary were treated as a married couple although the act of marriage had not been consummated.  In other words, Joseph and Mary had experienced no sexual contact between each other.  Joseph had found himself in a quite a predicament.  According to Jewish law, his fiancée, because of her presumed infidelity, could go before the Jewish elders for judgment and could consequently be stoned to death ₅.

The bible describes Joseph as a “just” man and in other versions as righteous, upright, good, honorable, of stern principle and noble.  Matthew 1:19 says:

“Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly,”

Even though the law stated that Mary was to be stoned to death because of her apparent unfaithfulness, Joseph wanted to just “put her away secretly” without public knowledge. During these times, the only way a betrothal or marriage engagement could be annulled was through an official divorce ruling.  Although Joseph was Jewish, he probably didn’t agree with the law that would put his fiancée to death.  He couldn’t rationalize the action of bringing open humiliation on Mary.  Instead, he did the right thing and was intent on putting her away privately for fear that she would face public embarrassment and shame ₅.

I’m sure Joseph was pretty distressed when he discovered that his wife to be was pregnant…and not by him.  But being a righteous man, he offered her mercy.  He treated Mary with empathy as if he had been responsible for what he had suspected she had done.  Joseph’s decision to not consult the authorities about Mary’s pregnancy was confirmed almost thirty years later.  His step-son Jesus said to a woman who was worthy of death, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first,” (John 8:7 NKJV) ₅.

All these thoughts were going on in Joseph’s mind and he was probably not getting much sleep.  Then an angel showed up.  Matthew 1:20 NKJV says:

“But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit,’ ”

The angel went on to say that Mary would have a son to be named Jesus who would save the world from their sins.

When this angel showed up in a dream and confirmed to Joseph that his fiancée was “conceived by the Holy Spirit”, Joseph was probably very relieved at this bit of news.  He had already made the choice to not have Mary punished but after he was told that she hadn’t become pregnant by another man, Joseph probably breathed many sighs of relief.

I feel blessed, inspired and challenged by Joseph.  He was the perfect man chosen to be Jesus’ step-father.  So remember the example of Joseph’s life that exists in every Christian but most importantly his example to his step-son, Jesus Christ to always guide us to regard others in the same way we would want to be treated if we were them (Matthew 7:12).  Let us follow the same example Joseph and Jesus did by not shaming or disgracing those who we only assume of wrongdoing but showing them mercy.

King David

King David had the greatest relationship with one of his son’s, Solomon (who was also king after his father).  Now we all know what David did wrong.  But David also did some things right.  Yes, he did commit adultery with Bathsheba, and yes, he did arrange for her husband to be killed in combat.  And yes, he attempted to cover-up his sin by marrying Bathsheba and living a lie and hiding his bloody sin for nearly a year ₆.

He was manufacturing the impression that he was a man of honor by marrying the pregnant wife of one of his fallen soldiers.  But David had also seduced a man’s wife while he was away from home fighting for David.  And then, after David had gotten the man’s wife pregnant, he arranged for Uriah to come home and have some time with his wife.  Uriah was so honorable that he wouldn’t sleep with his wife if his men couldn’t be with their wives.  So David had him set up and murdered (2 Samuel 11) ₆.

That’s what David did wrong.  But when Nathan the prophet confronted him, David broke, and he came clean about his sin.  He retched over his sin with the dry heaves of genuine repentance and threw himself on the mercy of God.  David knew what it was to sin.  I know it and you know it.  That was a terrible chapter in David’s life.  But in the mercy of God, He gives the broken the opportunity to write new chapters in our lives.  David – after screwing up his integrity, his character, and his reputation, was determined to do some things right with the rest of his life.  He continued to deal with the consequences of his adultery and murder in his own family for the rest of his life ₆.

There is tremendous cost to sin.  Maybe that’s where you are.  You’re sick of your sin and there’s no one to blame for the mess that you are in except for yourself.  As you turn to Christ and give Him every ounce of your life and heart, He can enable you to start getting some things right.  It’s not too late, it really isn’t.

Two Towering Shots: As a matter of fact, David did a lot of things right.  Two things immediately come to mind that David did right:

1. David was a man after God’s own heart.

2. David was the only king who attempted to biblically mentor his son.

Those were two towering home-runs that David put out of the ballpark.  And you’ll notice that number one and number two fulfill the job description that God gave to every man and king out of Deuteronomy 6.  First, David loved the Lord and followed Him from his heart of hearts.  When Samuel was sent to anoint him as king, the Lord told Samuel that “man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

David was chosen because of his heart.  After he died, it was said of David that he was “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:4), and that his heart was “wholly devoted to the Lord” (1 Kings 11:4).  When you think about all of David sins and blunders, that is a remarkable statement.  It’s a very redeeming statement, because it tells us when we genuinely repent, the Lord is merciful to cleanse us to bless and use us.  Did David therefore escape the consequences of the sand?  Absolutely not!  All of his days he endured the pain upon another as a result of his poor decisions.  But he never turned bitter and blamed God ₆.

In the end, he loved the Lord with his whole heart and as we will see, he did learn through his ghastly mistakes.  Did David follow the Lord perfectly?  No.  And neither do I.  You don’t either.  But God is not looking for perfection – He’s looking at your heart.  And if you were loving Him from the deepest part of your heart and soul, there is going to be a growing consistency in your walk ₆.

“You never become sinless, but you will begin to sin less,”

That’s a big lesson we can learn from David.

Second, David attempted to mentor and prepare Solomon to assume the leadership of the nation for the next generation.  As far as what’s been determined there was no other king who purposefully tried to prepare and mentor his own son before the Lord, other than David.  I’m sure that many of the other kings made sure that their sons were educated in all of the intricacies of kingsmanship.  But I don’t see that any of them attempted to mentor them with a heart for the Lord the way that David did with Solomon.  There may have been some others, but if there were, their efforts to mentor are not clearly recorded ₆.

David was a complete and total failure as a father to his other sons.  He knew that in his heart.  He was reminded of it every day.  But he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes again.  He was going to try and get it right with Solomon.  That’s why we have to give David an ‘A’ for the effort when it came to mentoring Solomon ₆.

Although King David wrote most of the Psalms, it was his son, King Solomon, who penned this one:

Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early,
To sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;
For so He gives His beloved sleep.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127 NKJV

While David may have been a tremendous leader, a gallant warrior, and even “a man after God’s heart,” his failures as a parent are legendary ₆.

A daughter, Tamar, was raped…by her half-brother, Amnon.  Amnon was killed by Tamar’s full brother, Absolom.  Absolom, disgusted with his father’s management of this situation, rebelled against David, inciting a brief civil war in which Absolom was eventually killed ₆.

To add tragedy to failure, one of his children died at birth.  So, with three dead sons and one raped daughter as part of his parenting legacy, David was a diminished man and a broken-hearted father.

It is not David who writes about the blessings and benefits of parenthood, but rather it was David’s son, Solomon, who, with a unique vantage point from which to observe the struggles of his father and siblings, wrote Psalm 127 (cited above), proclaiming the promise and blessing of parenthood. What an optimistic perspective from one who witnessed firsthand that children can be trouble and that parenting is difficult ₆.

These are just a few examples of fathers of the bible who many fathers can relate to today.  The Prodigal Son’s Father denied his own modesty in order to save his son from humiliation.  Joseph decided to not turn Mary in even though she became pregnant (not from him) during their engagement.  And what a legacy to live being chosen to be Jesus’ step-father!  Then there is King David.  He messed up so many times with his other children but got it right with Solomon.  Then Solomon became one of the wisest and richest kings in the history of Israel.  Although David didn’t see the fruit of his efforts during his lifetime, he was able to leave a legacy through his son Solomon.

Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad.  Are you a father who is struggling to be a dad?  Have you messed up royally with your kids?  Remember, its not too late to turn things around.  Start to earn their trust back little by little.  Remember you can’t change in a day but be contestant and purposeful.  Eventually, you will see that your kids will be ready to take you back to be their daddy again!  May the Lord bless you in your quest to be the hero of your kids!

References

1.  Henry, M. (2014, January 1). Matthew Henry’s Commentary. . Retrieved June 11, 2014, from http://biblehub.com/commentaries/luke/15-11.htm

2.  Williams, M. (2010, January 1). The Prodigal Son’s Father Shouldn’t Have Run!. . Retrieved June 11, 2014, from http://magazine.biola.edu/article/10-summer/the-prodigal-sons-fathershouldnt-have-run/

3.  Deal, R. (2014, April 1). Marriage, Family, & Stepfamily Statistics. . Retrieved June 11, 2014, from http://www.smartstepfamilies.com/view/statistics

4.  Houdmann, S. M. (2014, January 1). When were Joseph and Mary considered married?. .Retrieved June 11, 2014, from http://www.gotquestions.org/Joseph-and-Mary.html

5.  Viola, F. (2013, March 6). A Lesson That Christians Should Learn from Joseph (Stepfather of Jesus). . Retrieved June 11, 2014, from http://www.patheos.com/blogs/frankviola/joseph/

6.  Farrar, S. (2005). King Me. Chicago, IL, Moody Publishers